Wednesday, January 25, 2006
South Park on Communion:
Have any of you seen this double episode: "Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?/Probably"? In the end, Satan learns to love himself after leaving his "90s man" boyfriend for Sadam Hussein. God turns out to be a Buddhist (see picture for their hilarious picture of what God, the Buddhist, looks like), and, as far as heaven is concerned: "The answer was: Mormon." Only Mormons in heaven.
(Cut to Sunday School. All the kids are sitting around a table. Sister Anne is their instructor.)
Sister Anne: Hello, children! I'm Sister Anne and I'll be teaching you so that you can all receive your first communion!
Stan: ARE WE GONNA GO TO HELL?!
Sister Anne: Well, hopefully not! That's why you're gonna need to receive communion!
Cartman: A'and as long as we get this communion thing, we're safe?!
Stan: What if we haven't really done anything that horribly bad in our lives?!
Cartman: Yeah! What if we hadn't!
Sister Anne: It doesn't matter, because we are all born with original sin! Now, let me explain how communion works! (takes out a plate of communion waffers. picks one up.) The priest will give you this round cracker and he will say "The body of Christ.", and then you eat it!
Cartman: Jesus was made of crackers?!
Sister Anne: No!
Stan: But crackers are his body!
Sister Anne: Yes!
Sister Anne: In the book of Mark, Jesus distributed bread and said, "Eat this, for it is my body"!
Cartman: So, we won't go to Hell as long as we eat crackers!
Sister Anne: No, no, no, no!
Butters: W'well, what're we eatin' then?!
Sister Anne: The body of Christ!
Stan: Nononono! I get it! Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to be cannibals, so he turned himself into crackers, and then told people to eat'im!
Sister Anne: No!
Butters: Uh, I can't whistle if I eat too many crackers!
Sister Anne: Look, all you have to know is that when the priest give you the cracker, you eat it! Okay?!
Kenny, Stan, & Cartman: (a little confused.) Okay!
Sister Anne: And then, you will drink a very small amount of wine, for that is the Blood of Christ!
Cartman: Aw, come on, now! This is just getting silly!
Posted by John Zahl at 5:59 PM