Monday, May 01, 2006

(mock) Contemporary Worship Song Titles -- a list by Art & John Zahl

"Fountain of Management"

"What I Want"

"Lord, May I Borrow Your Cup?"

"Land of Honor"

"All His Compartments"

"Lord, Your 'Yes' Is My 'If'"

"We Want To Be Real Jews"

"Double-Barrel Undone"

"Did You Mean It?"

"I'm Gonna Run for Jesus (the runner's theme)"

"We Are Your Gym"

"Kingdom Jamboree"

"God, You Are A River"

"See Thee In Me"

"Peel Me, God"

"Piece of God"

"Mighty Man of Categories"

"You Lord, My Favorite Choice"


bpzahl said...

My favourite is "We are your gym".
It sounds almost like it could be a pick-up line...

Jeff Dean said...

"Jesus put his tongue in my mouth so I could praise the Father"

Tim Galebach said...

Well no one's going to top that.

Rttthhhhhh- t! said...

Top it no, but perhaps a close fourth? You see, everyday I strive to be “Compartmentalized, Once Again Lord”.

mike burton said...

"Not so quite Amazing Love that I don't need to make a lot of effort to make sure it sticks"

simeon zahl said...

"Help Me Lord (But only a little)"

"On My Terms, O Lord"

And the perennial favorite,

"Jesus, I got crizzed again today"

AMvL said...

Simeon, You totally geniused that one (But only a little).

simeon zahl said...

One more, can't resist:

"When I Lift Your Name"

Anonymous said...

how about "Verse by Verse" or "Father, Teach Us Your Scriptures" or "Exposit My Heart, Lord"

CEW said...

This one goes out to all the contemporary Anglicans/pseudo-catholics/Jeff Dean:

"When the Insense Rises"
"Chant, Chant, Chant to the Lord!"

Jordan Hylden said...

In the same spirit of friendly irreverence, the infusionists strike back with a list copied surreptitiously from the forthcoming hymnbook, "Luther's All-Time Gospel Favorites":

"Transmogrify My Heart"

"I Exalt Thee (But I Sure As Hell Don't Want To)"

"Take My Life and Replace It With A Different One"

"O God, How &*$@#-ed Up Are Your Works"

"We Want To Be Sinners"

"I Have Not Decided To Follow Jesus"

"I Hate To Tell the Story"

"Spiteful, Spiteful We Adore Thee"

"Sharply and Forcefully (Jesus is Calling)"

"Create In Me a Completely Different Heart"

"How Great I Ain't"

"What A Radical Alterity We Have In Jesus"

"O God, You Are An Irrational God"

"Step by Step You Drag Me"

and, my personal favorite--

"Grandma Got Run Over By the Gospel"


There were more, of course, but I didn't have time to copy them all down. If I'm able to take another peek, I promise to send along more. Oddly enough, there was a section of the hymnal devoted entirely to atrocious music from the 1980's, which I could make neither head nor tail of...

Tim Galebach said...

"I Want to Partner With You Lord"

MWΣ said...

A few years back some friends instituted a Reformation Party. The purposes were three-fold:

1. Play Pin the Thesis on the Door.

2. Carve images on pumpkins. Smash the images. Smashing Pumpkins, get it? Ack.

3. Revert contemporary worship songs into beer drinking songs - their only suitable use. The only one I recall is "I'm coming back to a heartless worship."

Anonymous said...

"Oh Lord, Purify My Heart In Two Days From Now"

bpzahl said...

"Bathe with me, O Lord"

Eve said...

"Take (Part of) My Life, and Let It Be"

Jacobus said...

To be sung on Super Bowl Sundays.

Jesus you are my Gatorade when my soul is parched.

mike burton said...

"I am holy"

colton said...

"I Love Your Justice"

"Jesus and Me: What a Team!"

"Ever More the Saint (I Shall Be)"

Anonymous said...

"It's all about Jews"

mike burton said...

"Don't bother opening the eyes of my heart, Lord - I already did it"

Eve said...

Particular hymns which might be used for special circumstances:
"A-maze-ing Race" -- for walking the labyrinth (especially stirring on the verse where it says: "I once was lost and now am still lost")
For the blessing of a divorce: "Take My Wife, and Let Me Be"
And then, (so no one's feelings get hurt), on November 1st: "For All the Saints, Including All Who May Think They Are Saints or Hope to Be, or Just for All Who Feel That God May Be Doing a Good Thing in Their Lives or the Lives of Someone They Love"
For a Blessing of the Animals: "Seek Ye First the Kingdom of Dog"

And then, I WAS going to add:
"For the Dio.Calif elections this weekend: 'Hail Thee, Festival Gay' "
but then I remembered how sorry I was for posting a gay-unfriendly thing on this blog before...what do you think?
Vote: _ __Yes, OK to include, or
___No, too sacreligious, and also mean.
Or even "___NO! and you will be elved off of my blog if you post bad stuff."(even though it's kinda funny)

Jeff Dean said...


I absolutely adore you. I cannot wait to meet you in Bham very soon!

Anonymous said...

This one is inspired by one of the urban Los Angeles youths with whom I worship. She recently experienced a powerful conversion, which stirred her religious affections and prompted this straight-faced, earnest declaration of reverential awe:

"God is my role dawg, and Jesus My Boo!"

It's not a classic trinitarian formulation, but....